I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
