A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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