My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
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