I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
