She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
