at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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