guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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