Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
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