I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Randomize