I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
