At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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