I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
