I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
