Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
