I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
