i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
