So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
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