If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
4 words: hood of his car
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
You ruined the universe
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
