I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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