please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Help. Why am I so naked?
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
