i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Randomize
