just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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