The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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