He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
