What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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