If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
