Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
