Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize