R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
