So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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