JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
sarcasm needs its own font
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
