i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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