I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
