they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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