he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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