I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
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