Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
