he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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