If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
