i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
