does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize
