She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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