We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
