i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
