My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
