haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think I just shit out all my problems.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
