fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
