Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
