I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
