I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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