hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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