is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
