I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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