You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
