when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
