i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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