so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Randomize
