Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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