I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
