I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Randomize
