i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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