He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Randomize
