'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Randomize
