I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
Randomize
