Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
