Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
The cops high fived after they tackled you
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Randomize
