Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
