Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
