Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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