see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
