With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
