Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
