Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Randomize
