So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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