Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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