this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I supernannyed him into submission
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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