I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
