They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
you had me at cake vodka
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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