I wish my penis had an off switch
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
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