Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
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