What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
