I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
