You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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