I'm so fucking centered right now
my sisters under your porch take her home
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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