Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Randomize
