"it" just moved
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Randomize
