Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
He better not be in your backpack
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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