Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(713): View more from Texas

then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate

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(407): View more from Florida

I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.

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(330): View more from Ohio

come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned

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(270): View more from Kentucky

they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.

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(903): View more from Texas

Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.

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(214): View more from Texas

Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.

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(732): View more from New Jersey

Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.

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(212): View more from New York

him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.

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(727): View more from Florida

Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...

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